What are the patterns underneath your agenda for change:

• Over or under functioning
• Pursuing or distancing
• Veering from passive to aggressive versus being assertive
• Coming from self-doubt versus entitlement
• Managing own anxiety versus trying to get my spouse to change

Understanding your part of relationship patterns that help you anticipate how your spouse might change or have trouble changing.  (Go through the above list from a systemic perspective; for example, working on over functioning may temporarily create a vacuum where things don’t happen; ending emotional pursuing may not lead to connection in the short run; being more assertive may seem like aggressive to the spouse.)