- Develop a way to monitor and record your progress.
[A weekly self-rating form from 1-100 on each area of change, with a place for notes]
- Focus on one area of change from your list first, two at the most
- If possible, tell a friend what you’re working on—as an “accountability partner.”
- Don’t announce the change to your spouse; just do it. See if your spouse notices, and then you can say you’re working on it.
- Keep reminding yourself that this is a good thing for you to change in yourself, no matter what the effect.
- Notice how your spouse shifts as you shift. It may be negative or neutral at first, and then is likely to turn positive.
- If a relationship rebalancing becomes necessary (e.g., renegotiating roles if you are functioning in a more balanced way), then have that conversation, starting with what you’ve been trying to change in yourself.
- Don’t be too self-critical or critical of your spouse. Change is hard.