We’re writing to all those spouses out there with an unusual but important warning. Perhaps you have a friend in this boat, or your first marriage ended this way. Our goal is to bring into the culture a little discussed path towards divorce that takes a lot of people by surprise. Simply put: the one considering divorce has decided, and things are temporarily better for no apparent reason.
Here’s how it goes: your spouse was on a marital doubt journey, likely bringing up divorce following by weeks of arguing, but then they get calm. The nagging, or complaining stops. It’s like the sky has cleared after a torrential storm. The relief you experience may override your sense that this is weird. Your spouse has been miserable for months or years, and now they’re okay? But you’re grateful that the storm has passed.
The warning is simple:
It’s common for someone who has finally made a clean, clear decision to divorce, to stop trying. Stop fighting and complaining. They’re already psychologically moving on to life without you.
If you or anyone you know is feeling a little spooked at a marriage like this, the good news is that it’s NEVER too late to try to save a marriage. All the conflict your spouse previously created shows the intensity of their inner battle about the original commitment they made to you, and that internal struggle may surface again. But time is short. Don’t be lulled by a false reconciliation. You have to act now.